I never used to watch AMERICAN IDOL. I passed on it the first few seasons. I ended up enjoying the music of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood (call me a metrosexual, if you INSIST), without ever having watched them from the auditions to their final, glorious moments.

But all that changed a couple of seasons ago. My Better Half finally got me to sit down and watch it. And I LOVED it. Not a love on the level of a platter of barely pan seared fresh ahi tuna, but it was a love nonetheless.

I became hooked and got upset when I missed an episode.

But now, America, I am...going home. I have officially retired from the rest of this season of the show.


Because AMERICAN IDOL fans at home have voted to keep the four most annoying and least talented (in my opinion, of course) singers they could possibly have kept.

This week saw the expulsion of my Better Half's favorite and mine, Brooke White.

She was the only elegant one of the bunch. The only one whose voice really touched us, moved us...entertained us. We were both sure she would go all the way.

But this week, she went home. And so have I.

I cannot stand the insane cuteness that people see in David "I finally stopped licking my lips three episodes ago" Archuleta, the kid who looks 7-years-old. It's hard to Google images of actor Robert Blake when he was a child star in the Bogart classic "Treasure of the Sierra Madre", but the two are DEAD RINGERS for each other.

Jason Castro--Mr. Dreadlocks--reminded me too much, no offense, of the street urchins who plagued me for money on the street corners of Berkeley during my sentence there. Some of them played a guitar, others just held their hand out for money. But he reminds me of every single one of them. Plus every song he sang sounded EXACTLY the same to me. But the chicks dug him, for whatever reason, and the voters at home as well.

Syesha Mercado was tremendously overrated from day one, in my opinion. I never found her exceptionally talented, and never dreamed she would make the top 20, let alone the final 4.

And then there is, arguably, THE most annoying IDOL contestant EVER...David "I'm trying to look like Axle Rose from Guns N' Roses" Cook. WOW. I thought I could be annoying sometimes. How about ALL the time?? From his arrogant productions to his cliched voice, David Cook reminded me of all the junk you hear on the radio. It all sounds the same after a while.

So...the final four contestants remind me of how many people must feel about the Presidential candidates. These are your choices...you don't really like any of them...but you have to support SOMEBODY, right?

Nah. You, too America, can decide to go...home.

And with finalists like this, home might not be such a bad place to be. Maybe next time will be better.