Recovery

I had a vasectomy yesterday after the show. Not the usual way I like to spend my post-show time. Usually a burger and fries on the way home is about all the excitement I can take.

But it was something that needed to be done since we are already blessed with the Brady Bunch.

Thank God the procedure has come such a long way. They don’t even need to use scalpels anymore. As with most things, the anticipation was greater and longer and emotional than the actual event.

I’m the kind of wimp who needs nitrous oxide to get my teeth cleaned, so I cringed when the doctor said all he would give me was ONE Valium and numbing medicine topically.

ONE VALIUM?? For all my ANXIETY?!?! And only 10 mg??

Thank God it was only 10. I was flying high after 20 minutes. As we waited in the reception area, everything was funny to me.

“I’m REALLY nervous about this,” I told my Better Half. Followed by a quick: “JUST KIDDING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Nope. I was feeling no pain. 10 mg DID do the job.

The procedure itself took maybe 15 minutes or so. And I admit it was probably the strangest, most uncomfortable thing I can ever remember doing. There’s just something strange about being fully awake and hearing and feeling (pressure, not pain, although it’s not fun to get SHOTS in certain parts of your body) things being done to you…KNOWING what they are doing to you.

The doctor was a genius at what he does. It was NOTHING to him! It looked like he was an ace mechanic tinkering with a car and fine tuning everything. And the nurse at his side was not only professional, but extremely patient with me and all of my phone calls prior to the procedure. They both deserve medals.

I kept reaching for my iPod when things were getting a little intense for me, but the Valium had my muscles so relaxed, I was too lazy to reach for it (even though it rested on my chest!). Oh well. I don’t know if I really would have wanted to taint a song for life like that. Hey! That’s the song I heard when I was getting the ‘ol Snip Snip!

No, thanks.

So now it’s finally over.

All I mainly ever heard over the years were the HORROR stories. Let me tell you this, especially if you are a male reader/listener thinking of getting it done–GET IT DONE! If you are ABSOLUTELY SURE you won’t have any regrets, and you know you are done with your family making super powers, get it done! Like most things in life, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had heard and imagined it would be.

The doctor was a little concerned that I didn’t take any time off from work. I love what I do too much to miss any more time than I need to. I’ll try not to get too worked up with the callers, that’s all. At least until tomorrow. Then the ice is off and so are the gloves!

And now if you’ll excuse me. There are Spider-Man boo-boo ice packs waiting to be frozen in time for today’s show.

P.S. Try to not run over the speed bumps at your child’s school at 15 miles per hour the day after a vasectomy. Words to…ouch…live by!!