Bottled water is causing global warming. At least President Bush isn't to blame this time. Unless we find that he owns stocks in the bottled water industry. You know Cheney MUST, right?

Radical environmentalists are now going after that bottled water you were about to take a sip out of. You see, it requires so much energy to MAKE those bottles. A spokesman for a Washington D.C. based environmental group claims that an estimated 47 million gallons of oil are used to make all those bottled waters Americans consume. And they end up clogging up our landfills, too. Wow. All these stats are making me thirty. Excuse me as I twist off the cap to my nice, cold BOTTLED water.

Snobby restaurants from San Francisco to Manhattan have put bottled water on ice. Tap water is the new reverse trend, kind of like paying extra for clothes that have tears in them already. Messed up hair is the new cool hairdo. Go figure.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom has banned bottled water from city agencies. Los Angeles won't allow city money to buy bottled water.
You have to laugh when cities like San Francisco claim it saves millions of dollars a year, considering the City wants tax payers to pay for SEX CHANGES for city employees!! This from the City where child molesters and stalkers are allowed to march around as if they are the annointed ones. UNREAL.

Where are all the pro-choicers NOW?? I can't drink a bottle of water now without being looked at like I am raping the planet?? Where is the protection of MY choices??

Thank goodness the bottled water industry is fighting back against this stupidity. The Bottled Water Information Office claims that 727 million plastic bottles were recylced in American in 2004. Bottles are made out of plastic and glass, some of the most common recyled materials.

I don't WANT to drink tap water. I LIKE my bottled water. And last time I checked, I am still living in what appears on most days to be the United States of America.
So spin the bottle and pass me a glass full of ice, please. It's time for me to destroy the known universe. Gulp. Aaaaahhhhhh. Good stuff.