Please Don't Hurt My Doggy!

By Spencer Hughes

9 July 2007

I am having rage issues lately. Doggy rage issues.

We just moved into a new house and the neighbors all seem pretty cool. At least the human neighbors are nice.

But there is one neighbor the size of a six pack of beer that is threatening to give me a nervous breakdown. A Chihuahua. At least I THINK that's the kind of dog it is. Looks more like a rat than anything else. A barking rat. A barking rat that keeps getting into our backyard.

Its owner keeps patching the holes it digs under our shared fence. And I do the same. Gravel. Sand. ROCKS. BIGGER rocks. NO GOOD. Nothing works.

This dog is trying to break me. Not only does it dig and get into the yard, it just walks up to our dog and yaps at it. YAP. YAP. YAP YAP. It is THE most annoying dog I have ever encountered.

I have tried to befriend it. Every morning when I take out the garbage, there it is. Standing on OUR lawn, yapping at ME! I talk to it. Try to pet it. I even offered snacks to try to get him to crack. NOTHING.

We are having a pool built and they dug the big hole this past weekend. I told the neighbor it would be a safety issue for his dog. He didn't seem too concerned. Maybe he hates the dog as much as I do. So this morning, there it was...yapping away at the giant hole in the middle of our yard. Excuse me. HIS yard. He has done everything but erect a giant Chihuahua flag in the middle of our yard.

I feel run over and beat down. By a dog. And a little, yappy dog to boot. I actually had a dream that the little pooch had a construction accident when it got in the way of the plumbers. It disappeared for a few days and I was happy. That's awful, isn't it?

Well, not if you knew this dog.

And it's owner doesn't seem so nice to me anymore, either.