America is a nation of great forgiveness... so I guess I too can find it in my patriotic heart to forgive the perpetrators of the THREE MOST RIDICULOUS STATEMENTS of the day...

Numero Uno - Gonzo is Vaya Con Dios. Never mind that the writing was on the wall for months and all but forgotten by friends and foes that begged him to take the hint for the good of the country, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally decided to step aside. Here's the line that caught my attention in his 90-second resignation:

"Even my worst days as Attorney General have been better than my father's best days."

Okay... I get it that he is grateful for the opportunity, as a minority, from a humble upbringing... but this is an odd statement. What the heck did his father do for a living? Or do any of us really want to know?

Second, the Beauty Pageant Blonde Moment...

When asked "Why 1/5 of Americans cannot find America on a map?" Miss South Carolina offered this synapse-firingly-challenged answer at Saturday night's Miss Teen USA Pageant:

"I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some... people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa, and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as..."

(That's not the full answer - it goes on and it does get even worse... I just had to stop there because, it's like, uh, such as when they show baby seals being clubbed to death, like, such as, in the Alaska and everywhere and you can't watch it anymore.)

And lastly, the Dogkiller Mea Culpa from Richmond.

"Dogfighting is a terrible thing and I reject it... I'm upset with myself and through this situation, I found Jesus and asked Him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God. I think that is the right thing to do as of right now."

Now technically, I am not going to go so far as to challenge Vick's sincerity. If he has indeed made a spiritual break through during this time of trial and tribulation, then we should support him while still condemning the actions. But lying to the NFL Commissioner and Atlanta Falcons owner pales in comparison to lying to the American people and especially the Man upstairs...