I feel so old sometimes. Not physically really. But more because I feel like pop culture is leaving me behind in the slow lane.

Like when I went to the store to buy deodorant.

I remember the days when you had Old Spice and Mitchum and a couple other choices. And they usually came in different grades in terms of sweat fighting prowess.

Now it's a whole new ballgame.

Today deodorants can be sprayed over your entire body and make you smell like the Wonka Chocolate Factory. I tried a sample of one and almost ate my own wrist because it smelled so delicious.

Another allegedly offered the smell of FEVER...another took my ADRENALINE into account. That could come in handy during certain impossibly idiotic callers I get sometimes on the radio.

I stood there in the deodorant aisle totally stumped. Should I try the one with the race car on it? The guy hiking Mt. Everest? Did I want to attract the ladies? Yes, there are deodorants marketed to teenage boys and men who never grew up that lead one to believe the scent will attract women the way a 3 meat pizza will attract the carnivores.

Another sample made me smell like a top secret military base's toxic waste. Yummy.

Yet another convinced me I was smelling like a dog left out in the rain for a week.

These were unintended smells, of course. The manufactures would have preferred I thought I smelled like raw testosterone on steroids.

I'm not a race car driver.

I'm not planning on steep inclines on the treadmill at the gym let alone taking a crack at Mt. Everest.

I'm not a gigolo looking for crazy times.

I just want to keep my armpits from smelling on those stressful or active days.

Remember when deodorants were made for schleps like me?