In the good old days kids went to public school to get an education. These days kids attend public school to get pregnant.
The news from Gloucester High School in Massachusetts has shocked the nation. As many as 20 girls allegedly made a pact to get pregnant. One teenager said there's really not much else to do in their town but have babies.
The impregnated girls seem delighted in their delicate position. Many are already planning baby showers and one exclaimed, "Sweet," when she learned the news.
School officials seemed genuinely surprised, too. How could something like this happen at Gloucester High School? What with all the sex education classes, free condoms, and the on-campus child care facilities for those moments when the free condoms don't work.
It seems to me that Gloucester High School's sexual education classes worked just fine. Instead of being shocked, shouldn't they be celebrating? They took all those sexually charged, hormone crazed teenagers and showed them how to use what God gave them. And judging from the baby bumps, I'd say nearly 20 girls passed the final exam.
The educational elites seemed to be stumped on this one -- but I believe I might be able to shed some light on the problem. It seems to me they were teaching a how-to class instead of a don't do class. Of course, that would require a public school teacher to espouse some sort of moral authority and we all know that public schools are ruled by the firm hand of moral relativism.
It seems to me there's a fair amount of blame to spread around. In no particular order, here's my list:
The Girls - Have a little bit of self respect, ladies. Your self confidence should not depend on what you do between the sheets.
The boys - Keep your pants zipped, fellows. Save it for marriage.
The Parents - Try acting like their parents instead of their friends. Stop letting your daughters walk out of the house dressed like high-priced hookers. Start telling your sons how to treat ladies. And pay attention to what your kids are watching on television and the Internet.
Public Schools - Stick to teaching reading, writing and arithmatic and leave the child rearing to the experts.
Hollywood - There's no question that Hollywood has glamourized unexpected pregnancies -- most recently the highly acclaimed, Juno. And of course, the tabloids have kept us up-to-date with teenage preggers like Jamie Lynn Spears. Hollywood has made it cool to get knocked up. The industry will tell us they just make movies and it's not their fault if kids emulate what happens on the big screen. Funny. That's the same argument street corner pimps use when they get cornered by the cops.
The experts have been tossing around alot of numbers these days --- statistics to back up their claims that sexual education is actually working. Far be it from me to consider myself an expert on the topic, but I would like to offer my own statistic to the public discourse. One hundred percent of American teenagers who practice abstinence do not become pregnant.
Let the educational elitists in Gloucester chew on that one for the next nine months.