Alan Grayson Promises Not To Make Abortions Mandatory

Having fun with the dire beliefs conservatives have about progressives, the former and, perhaps, future congressman, made some promises.

I would like to inform my opponent that there are a few more things that neither I nor my “progressive cronies” intend to do:

(1) Make abortions mandatory.

(2) Socialize the means of production.

(3) Outlaw heterosexual intercourse.

(4) Tax breathing, or urination.

(5) Take away his velvet painting of dogs playing poker.

(6) Nationalize his underwear.

(7) Fill the sky with black helicopters.

(8) Remove the tin foil from his skull.

One more thing that I promise we won’t do: we won’t prevent imbeciles from throwing their hats into the ring. So my opponent can run for President in 2016, when Barack Obama is finishing his second term.

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