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Sir, Take Your Hand off the Diet Coke
Thom the runner proudly handed me a Democratic National Convention goodie bag. It was filled with all sorts of treats including my favorite beverage of choice — the Baptist Martini. For you Lutherans out there – that’s a Diet Coke.
Thom is an ambitious young college kid and he loaded me up with two Diet Cokes and Two Red Bulls. Little did I know, it would cause me grief at the security check point outside Pepsi Center.
As they rifled and rummaged through my belongings, they came across the contraband beverages. Instead of a casual, “Sir, you can’t bring these inside the secure zone,” the security guard read me the riot act.
“Can’t you read the sign,” she scolded me. Sure enough, there was a sign that banned soft drinks and any other canned beverage. I must have been on vacation when Homeland Security deemed fizzy drinks a national security threat. Although I knew a girl in college whose root beer belch could be considered a weapon of mass destruction.
I had visions of water-boarding at Guantanamo Bay in my near future. I promptly tossed the drinks in a nearby trash can and scooted on my merry way.
It’s a good thing I didn’t try to sneak in a YooHoo.